Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Beach Bum: Essay 3: March 26, 2009


 

A gull flies overhead, arcs back toward the shore and lands.  It stares off to the left. 

 

A small white dog with brown spots pants over to a ceramic bowl, licking up water as if she’s found an oasis in the middle of the desert.  She’d gone missing in our perception – not her’s – disappearing into wetland plants taller than she.  Harmonized whistling from the top of the dunes by me and my new friend, Miranda, we thought was futile.  However; just as Miranda headed down to tromp into the green in pursuit of the dog she’s had since they were both knee high to a grasshopper, out darted Poppy in a dead heat straight toward the shore fifty yards to our left.    Now she sits between us, content, grooming herself.


Miranda & Poppy


My bum is currently a foot off the sand, supported by a blue swath of fabric which is itself supported by an aluminum frame.  Aluminum is useful here on an island constantly bathed in salty, moist air.  My feet are covered in sand, my army green pant legs are wet and sandy – I was surprised by the tide soon after I arrived.  My well worn Chaco sandals almost washed out to sea as the tide continued its move inland.

 

It’s been lovely sharing nature with Miranda.  All kinds of stories were recalled from my childhood.  Memories of oil spills and tar-covered beaches, of being surrounded by cabbage head jellyfish bobbing in the water,  of a friend swimming out to the second sandbar and into a school of eels, of myself swimming parallel to shore and into a school of grouper, fish everywhere flapping against the whole length of my body.  There was the time I crawl-stoked into a Portugese man-of-war that I felt, but never saw, red streaks painting my right arm.  I recall being grateful the tentacles didn’t slap my face instead.

 

I want to tell her everything: about the different beaks birds have specialized to what they eat, the seaweed, the sea anemones.  I want to take her into the salt flats.  I want to share the joy that I find here in my hometown, the one I was so eager to leave.

 

Another cloudy day, yet no rain.  The temperature is perfect:  not too hot, not too cold.  Just right.  No need to spoinl the present  moment with oppressive thoughts of Texas summers.

 

I feel an itch on my left bum cheek and wonder if a sand flea has found me.  I had forgotten about them – images of childhood post beach showers where all kinds of surprises fall out as you peel off your suit:  amazing amounts of sand, shells, and sand fleas.

 

I feel at peace here.  No need to worry about where I will be sleeping tonight, when repairs might start on Mom’s Ike ravaged house, or if she will be able to purchase a new one.  No worries about whether Dave and I are meant to be friends or more.  Just gratitude for what I have and for what I’m glad I don’t have.  So often I forget to be thankful for all of the terrible things that could be happening that aren’t.

 

I used to have a travel alarm clock that had a setting that sounded like this.  Sounds of nature to lull one into sleep.  Yet I don’t feel sleepy.

 

If I took a little piece of the scene before me, it could be seen as a chaotic swirling and churning.  I remember being knocked over by waves as a kid -  my sister Sherry and I would sometimes for fun go farther than we could touch the ground.  I can see Dad far away on the shoreline waving his arms for us to come back – I guess we were confident he would come to get us if we needed him.  From here, fifty yards back, all the motion is contained, held by the shore, supported.  It’s calm here.  I feel my feet firmly on the sand.  And I know that if I got up right now, walked into the ocean and started swimming perpendicular to shore, I’d make my way to the calmness beyond the wavebreak.  It’s calm there.  Floating on my back, eyes closed, I allow the ocean to hold me, to rock me while I listen to the chatter of my dolphin cousins.

 

Poppy’s up  now.  She wandered away, sniffing, and then turned and ran full speed back to us.  Just because.

 

I am amazed at how fast the legs of the shorebirds move as they run across the sand, stop, peck, run some more.  Now the whole flock flies straight up in concert to avoid the approaching tide and again settles on the sand.

 

My exposed right shoulder feels the recent visit of a skeeter and I notice a few have landed on my left arm.  As I look at my arm, I notice that the hair is standing on end.  The temperature must have dropped a few degrees and/or I am feeling the effects of sitting around in wet clothes.

 

I hear an ambulance in the distance.  My bladder is full again.  I scratch a bite on my neck and start feeling antsy.  And itchy.  And ready to go.  Buh-bye, beach.  I know you will be here waiting until the next time I decide to slow down, to notice, to be.  

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Earth Can't Be Saved Without Peace

I have been working on a song I started in college.  My boyfriend-at-the-time, Jason, bought me a T-shirt at the mall.  It was white and had a big blue Earth with the words 'Open Your Eyes.'  Those are the opening words, the opening line of the chorus.  

My understanding has changed a bit since the time I chanted with my friends and fellow activists at Texas A&M's Texas Environmental Action Coalition 'Save the Trees, save the forests, save ourselves, save ourselves...' as we marched up to the capital building in Austin to protect clearcutting of our state's forests.  I have noticed the separation that is created and/or deepened when there is an 'Us' that is called to action, that loves the Earth, that 'knows' who the bad guys are and a 'Them' who we have to bip on the side of the head, so to speak, with our passionate chants and protests so they can wake the hell up and see things our way.  

As a child who was bipped on the head on occasion, I can tell you that it did not make me more likely to hear what the 'bipper' had to say or make me want to join forces.  And so, I've been editing the song a bit to include what I have learned, to reflect my current strategy for I still hear the call of the Earth.  The one I first heard my freshman year, the year I realized life was about more than shopping malls and boyfriends or being popular.  It was the year I realized I was here for a reason, the year I turned into the weird older sister.  It was the year I suddenly started speaking in front of crowds because I had something I wanted to say, had to say.  People I meet today have a hard time believing I was painfully shy in junior high, but I think most will understand how you can do things you couldn't do for yourself for those you love, and, in my case, for a planet I loved, one I realized I was a part of and that needed my help.

Today, I ran across a video of my teacher at San Francisco Zen Center, Eijun Linda Ruth Cutts.  There are many reasons I was drawn to her in particular, of the many choices there.  She embodies many traits I would like to cultivate in myself and she hears the same cries of the Earth.  




It was she who gave my my Dharma name during the Boddhisattva Initiation Ceremony, the one where I vowed to devote my life to the Boddhisattva Way, to the Truth, to peace.  My name is Chirin Eian:  Earth Companion, Song of Peace. In our tradition, the first part of your name is what your teacher sees manifesting in your life in the present and the second part is what she or he sees manifesting as your practice matures.
   
When I first received the name, my youngest sister thought it very fitting for me - she's known me for awhile. However; aside from the fact that it is hard for people to pronounce, it felt too big to me - I felt like I wasn't doing enough to 'wear' the name.  After all, it had been years since I had been in a protest or written a letter to Congress or even been to a beach cleanup.  So I didn't use it. Until last summer.  I was in retreat and instructed to expand my consciousness to include the natural surroundings (we were meditating outside).  After 'being' a tree, birds, the wind and even a passing car, I heard a loud voice come from beneath me, from the Earth itself and it say boldly 'I AM CHIRIN.'  And I said, 'Okay.' I didn't argue.  It is now my joy to not judge myself as unworthy of the name, but to acknowledge the connection I feel and to discover how that will play out in my life.  I notice I am writing songs and singing.  Because it moves me.  It is my heart's greatest joy.  Tell me what you think about this song.  I have not performed it yet.  I'm still working on the lyrics.

Horizons

Copyright (c) 2009 Linda Daline Limbaugh

E

Open our eyes/minds/hearts/arms,

                              G

The Earth is asking us to open our eyes/minds/hearts/arms,

                                 Am

She's begging us to open our eyes/minds/hearts/arms

                                         D C D

(1)  And see what there is to see/ See what’s happening to you and me

(2)  See other points of view/ Without respect for each other, we're through.

(3)  No need to push people away/ We all really want the same thing.  

(4) Embrace with humility/ Close the space that’s between you and me.

    

               G
To you and me and the birds and the insects and fishes,

       C                                      D

the marine mammals and amphibians.

             G

To the sky and the water, the earth and the forest

C                                   D

How can we just let this all be?

              G

For our sons and our daughters will be born tomorrow

                  C                                          D

(Could we look at them straight in the eye?)

            G

It all starts right here, right here in our own hearts.

  C                                                            D

The Earth won’t be saved without peace.


CHORUS 2


And if we all got together, it’d be so much better.

Can you see how good it all could be?

To live in a world so loving and giving

that asks of us only respect.

There’s no man on Earth who is not my brother,

No woman who is not my sis.

I’ll wait for you here with my heart and hands open.

The Earth won’t be saved without peace.

 

CHORUS 3

 

I don’t understand why we all can’t be happy.

Do all of our dreams have to die?

But it’s not essential to step on each other

To run to the front of the line.

Do you know what you’re buying with that product so cheap.

Let’s take our heads out of the sand.

But without blaming and shaming and pointing our fingers.

There’s no reason we have to be mean.

Nobody’s hands are all clean.


CHORUS 4

Repeat Verse 1

Repeat CHORUS 1

Adlib...The Earth can't be saved/won't be saved/can't be saved without peace.  No matter how hard we try/If there's hatred buried deep inside/We'll keep robbing our brothers/Make bombs and not butter/But the Earth can be saved/will be saved/can be saved by peace/Let's join one another and make of butter/The Earth can be saved by peace...