Pixie Dust: magic dust from a fairy or pixie that hypothetically allows humans to fly. Fly with me up and down the West Coast and beyond as I seek to love the earth and all its inhabitants in whatever way best fits this bodymind and its particular talents.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Bon matin, mon cherie!
Rendevous Romantique Pour Un
While I saute some garlic, and listen to Dido and Norah Jones, let me fill you in on my day… Nine and three quarter hours earlier…
I thought an oil change would be good since I’m 1500 miles overdue and heading toward the hill country after class. Going to see some bluebonnets and hang out with my guitar. Alone. Wasn’t planned that way. Bought a groupon for a romantic getaway complete with champagne and chocolate covered strawberries with my new sweetie in mind: poet and seeker, Michael, who I met on New Year’s Eve. Our new relationship has had some twists and turns and this was the second time I was planning the getaway. Thought it would work out this time. Yes, man plans and God laughs, as the saying goes. We found a time that would work for us both, I booked it, and then he fell head over heels for another with no time left for me to get a refund. The owner, Carol, suggested I invite a girlfriend, but I thought it might be good to just take my best friend, my guitar – the one I bought on layaway when I was nineteen – who’s seen me through a divorce and several post-divorce breakups.
I had a voice lesson at 2 pm so I practiced for an hour and then went to change the oil before school, but when I started the car, it sounded terrible. It’s been running rough for a few weeks now. I popped the hood and my battery was knocking into the engine. My car wouldn’t start last week so I took out the battery and had it checked out. Turns out it was still good, but I needed to clean the terminals and connections. I couldn’t get it to fit in again just right. It’s smaller than the original battery. So now I’ve got a couple of problems and I’m supposed to be going out of town so I don’t end up wasting my romantic reservation at Blisswood, the hill country B&B. Now, I don’t have time before class so I clunk my way over to school, have a fabulous lesson with April, my fabulous teacher, and head into town to find a mechanic.
I hadn’t found a local mechanic or oil change establishment yet. I moved here last July and had been going back to Galveston each time and was planning to do that today but now time was running short so I headed into my new town to see what I could find. I saw a Jiffy Lube and headed in. When a woman approached, I asked her if she knew of a family owned place because I hate chains and also something was wrong with my car. She was very helpful and steered me toward a local gas station that did oil changes and had real mechanics. I thanked her and headed over. The mechanic that greeted me reminded of my Dad. Dad had been a quiet, no nonsense military man, a ship’s mechanic. This gentleman, Bill, listened to my complaints and said, ‘Let’s start with the oil change and go from there.’ I felt in good hands.
I grabbed my guitar and my travel chair and commenced to practice my classical guitar pieces for class. I had recently attended a Master Guitar class with Philip Hii and was very motivated to practice when I could. Lots of people stopped by to chat. I was asked if I knew some Eagles covers, if I was trying to be Janis Joplin, a fellow Texan, and if I knew that Barry White had been from Galveston. Bill returned to tell me my alternator was on the fritz, but he could get me a new one within the half hour. ‘Let’s do it,’ I replied, only grimacing slightly at the $350 price tag. What could I do? More time to practice.
I called the proprietor of the B&B and informed her my car was in the shop and it’s possible I might not make it after all. I wasn’t all that stoked anyway to go solo to the Oasis, which is the part of the property my lodging would be in.
Before I knew it, the truck was purring like a kitten before me and I headed home to pack. I made a peanut sauce, packed some greens from a farmer friend and some garlic. Threw a change of clothes in a bag, hugged Mom and got on the road. 5:30 pm. I might just make it before dark.
I started off singing one of my tunes. Then I listened to Democracy Now with Amy Goodman. Then I turned on a party mix a friend of mine, Adam, gave me when I lived in the desert. It was rockin’ when I approached, fields of bluebonnets in view as the sun was setting.
After having a little trouble finding the right room, I entered Harriet’s House which is really just part of a house. The first thing I did was look around for the champagne and chocolates. They were nowhere to be found. Nor was the continental breakfast for tomorrow. Not only did I not have the romantic partner, I didn’t even have chocolate. This would have to be remedied. Without even bringing in my things, I headed back to town to find Carol. I was a bit upset.
Carol runs a fine dining establishment in the teeny town of Cat Spring. I walked in and a woman I assumed was Carol was on the phone. I looked around. It was a darling place. Rustic. Antlers and white linens. When she was finished with her phone call, I asked if she was Carol and then with difficulty I said there must be some misunderstanding because there wasn’t any chocolate or champagne and now I have to go into the bigger town…. She cut me off and said, ‘Oh, let me get some for you right now.’ ‘Okay,’ I said in mid-upsetedness and as she walked to the kitchen, I thought, ‘Okay, everything is going to be okay.’ She returned and told her I liked her place and I appreciated she served local wines. Then I touched her arm and told her I was sorry I was so upset, but the lack of chocolate reminded me of my lack of a boyfriend. She had forgotten the email I had sent. She then gave my teary self a hug and asked if I’d like a glass of wine. I accepted. 'You really loved him, huh?' she asked. 'Well, no,' I said. 'I mean I loved him, but, ya know how every breakup reminds you of all your other breakups?...like my divorce...' She nodded empathetically.
We spoke a little more and I told her I was turning the evening into a personal musical retreat. Then she remembered my mentioning it in the email and said I have to meet her friend. She steered me over to G. Marie who is a songwriter. I then happily chatted about music with her and her husband (?) and friend until Carol returned with a box with flowers protruding from it. I said goodbye to my new aquaintances. Carol followed me to the car with the box. I told her I hoped to stay up with my guitar ‘til three in the morning like I used to do when I lived in the desert. I put the box in the car and gave her a hug. ‘You’re wonderful,’ she said as we both laughed. As I drove away, I thought it had been perfect that the champagne and chocolate covered strawberries had been missing because otherwise I would not have met her and she’s a quite lovely woman. It was comforting to connect in my vulnerability instead of isolating which I usually do.
So now I’m in Harriet’s House, sauteeing some garlic, about to add some swiss chard and open the bottle of champagne. I must think of an appropriate toast…
…pop…I raise my glass to all beings and toast the beauty and grace that always surrounds us whether we can see it or not...
...I made it! It is 3:31 am. I didn’t do justice on the bottle of champagne – sorry my grape friends L – but I ate all the strawberries…
Dinner was wonderful. Texmati brown rice with Swiss chard with a peanut sauce. It’s one of the things I can throw together without a recipe. I used to not be able to do anything without a recipe. I started with a dollop of peanut butter, and added Bragg’s amino acids, some leftover Reisling (I usually use Shiner Bock but was out), some rooster sauce, a little bit of fish sauce, some sesame oil and a splash of lemon juice. I ran out of Bragg’s so it was thicker than usual and so I didn’t have to add any cornstarch/water mixture to the pan to thicken it. My grandma likes my peanut sauce, but my Mom is not too crazy about it.
‘Estoy contenta…’ is the thought I was left with. I enjoy cooking. It always makes me feel close to my Dad. He liked to cook. We were either watching sporting events or cooking shows growing up. I particularly remember a cajun chef: ‘Pour a little wine into the pan, drink a little wine…’ My exhusband is a chef and my
My appreciaton for food increased during our time together. As did my time eating formal orioki meals at San Francisco Zen Center. Cooking is something I can lose myself in, like my guitar. I enjoy cooking for others and for myself. I can putter around the kitchen for hours.
However, I immediately succombed to a food coma and crawled under the covers and took a nap.
Afterward, I hopped out, poured another glass of champagne and picked up my guitar.
I started just playing around with some arpeggiated simple chord progressions. Before I got my teaching license and would substitute junior high school, I used to hand out the worksheets and then just pick my guitar while the students worked. And then when everyone was finished, I’d play them a few songs by the Eagles, John Denver, the Indigo Girls or Traci Chapman.
Generally, how I write starts with a vocal melody popping into my head and then I will very painfully try to figure out what chords will best accompany the melody. It entails a lot of trial and error. Sometimes no chord I know sounds good so I might change the melody or set it aside. Sometimes I would forget the melody unless I recorded it quickly. Now that I am learning the piano, I have started to write down the actual notes of the melody which will help tremendously with the accompaniement. I can’t wait for the summer when I can go back over all my old songs and finish some ones I couldn’t before.
I am trying to learn to write more than just accompaniment to my melodies. Mr Kiefer, my guitar teacher, taught me a little about fills and hammer ons and pull offs at the beginning of the semester and now I’m learning some classical pieces. So I was playing around. I still feel like I don’t really know what I am doing but the only way I’ll learn is to get to know my guitar a little better. For years and years, the only thing I ever did was strum basic chords and one simple arpeggio pattern. I learned songs. I never just fooled around on the guitar like some people and it feels uncomfortable. But I stayed with it and discovered I could hammer on and pull off with whole chords, not just individual notes. I used a very simple rhythmic motive – long/short/short – and went back and forth between Em and Am. I couldn’t figure out anything else that sounded good with that, but it was way more rockin than my usual country folk sounding strumming.
I played around with a simple interval – a minor second - Lord knows I could use some ear training practice. I want to make up a song using all the simple intervals so I can finally dial in those pesky rascals – I’ve cried more than once in that class. Makes me feel like I’m brain damaged. It’s unlike anything I have tried to learn before.
Well, that was fun. Now, on to a song. Mr Keifer is allowing me to work on one of my songs to perform for jury. I’m going to fill in some boring parts with some some chord variations and he suggested some more vocal variety like I did with Brown Eyed Girl last semester. I had a lot of fun with it tonight. He had showed me an alternate way of doing my Bm chord – one with a bar and he showed me a Bsus and a B7. I have this one part where there are many bars of the same Bm with a sustained vocal note that I want to spice up. I played around with the new variations trying to find something that would work. It turned out totally cool. At first it sounded bad and didn’t even seem to go at all, but I kept trying and ended up just using the Bsus, but I also changed the strum pattern. This is the repeat of the chorus right after the bridge and the tension remains really high. The words are ‘We tried…….to hold on. We tried…….but only made it worse.’ And then, in the spirit of variation, realized I could spice up the C to and I added a Cadd9 and used the same new strum pattern. It’s a down/up/up.
This song is SO much better than the original, original version I wrote in 2006. I was telling Mr. Keifer that it used to be in the form of A A A A A A A …ad nauseum: the chords were the same for the chorus and the verse. The whole reason I went to the songwriting school last summer was to learn how to vary it and still make it sound good. I didn’t know how the different chords related to each other. I didn’t know anything about theory or chord progressions – I just found chords that matched the melody in my head which I’m sure is a subconscious cut and paste of the many pop and country songs I have heard in my life.
So now, at 4:30, I can go to sleep having spent some quality time with myself and my guitar. Tomorrow before I leave I am going to strap on my guitar and check out the lake and grounds and play and sing with the birds.
No thoughts of loss of Michael. I am really happy for him actually. He has fallen head over heels. Sypathetic joy is a beautiful, beautiful thing. I’m planning to go to his going away party next week and offer a song or two. She will be there and I look forward to meeting her. Only by the grace of God and meditation and lots of excellent teachers and role models could I be this open. It feels really good.
I subscribe to Alanis Morissette’s definition of love in her song ‘Nothing in Return.’ I love him and if she makes him happy then that’s what I want for him. I trust the universe to continue to hold me in its arms and love me til the day I die. And then keep on loving me. Life is like a cadenza. We do our beautiful solo and then blend back into the orchestral heavenly harmony. Amen.
(And I thought this weekend might suck! J )
Thursday, March 25, 2010
genkydeska
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
What am I supposed to be learning? Music proficiency or poise and grace?
The Singing Ladies of Ferrara
The Singing Ladies of Ferrara
The latter part of the sixteenth century was a transitional time in music and art, a time of new ideas and experimentation and a mingling of art forms. Much music was written in Italy. The next musical era, the Baroque, would see the birth of Italian Opera. But before the rise of opera divas, there were the Singing Ladies of Ferrara. These accomplished musicians became known throughout Italy and abroad for their virtuous singing. Their style was copied by other ‘concerti di donne’ which arose during this time. They inspired poets and composers including Renaissance poet Torquato Tasso who in 1593 published this verse, ‘Forse e cagion l’aurora’, in tribute to one of its later members:
Perhaps the reason for the dawn is the beautiful sound
the leaves and branches and the waters and the wind make?
O in this sweet way, the sky honours Tarquinia
and because of her falls in love with the earth.
I hear, or it seems to me, I hear a voice: it can only be hers;
Lo, Tarquinia comes, and Love approaches. (1-9)
They were ‘professional’ musicians at a time when women could not officially be professional musicians. Though overlooked for centuries, modern scholars and vocalists are now paying tribute to this remarkable group of women in writing and performance (Gras). Who were these ‘ladies’ and what causes and conditions coalesced to create this musical phenomenon?
The Singing Ladies of Ferrara were not a group of women who decided to form a group and support themselves by selling recordings and touring. This would not have been possible during the time in which they lived. Women during the Renaissance had little choice in their vocation outside of child rearing. The incomes and careers of women who had them were managed by their husbands or fathers (Pendle 83). At this time, some singers were amateur noble women members of court and such as the renowned Lucrezia Bendidio, born in 1547 (Paganuzzi 467). Most of the women with more training were courtesans who made up the majority of singers at court from the Middle Ages through the first half of the sixteenth century (Jander 341). Courtesans were highly trained prostitutes who wined, dined and entertained their male guests with music and witty conversation (Pendle 57). During the late Renaissance in Italy, much care was taken to ensure distinction between the two (Pendle 83). The ‘Singing Ladies’ were neither courtesans nor were they of noble birth. How, then, did they come to be?
Laura Peverara, Anna Guarini and Livia D’Arco were brought together in 1580 by a man with power: Duke Alfonso II of Ferrara. He was a patron of music as were the three Dukes that came before him (Lockwood, 486). A rich musical tradition existed at the Este Court. In the 15th century, it had become internationally important as a musical center (Lockwood 486). Important visitors were treated to the Duke’s private chamber music, which became known as Musica Secreta. In 1580, the Duke married his third wife, Margherita of Mantua, who was also a patron of music. She was fifteen and in part to entertain her, he assembled more singers. Lucrezia Bendidio, mentioned earlier, had been retained at court by marriage. He had tried to go this accepted route and assemble more women of nobility who could sing, but was not successful. The last noblewoman he had ‘acquired’, Leonora Santivale, had died in childbirth (Gras). Not giving up his love of music, he then looked to the artisan classes (Gras) finding ways to make it work within the confines of his time. He brought over Laura Peverara, born in 1545, the daughter of a wealthy Mantuan merchant, older, and already known to be a singer of great excellence and charm (Newcomb 605). Laura was an accomplished harp player (Gras). Anna Guarini was the daughter of the famous Ferrarese poet, Battista Guarini (Hanning 771). Livia D’Arco was the youngest member and though she was from a minor noble family, it would not have been enough for her to be a member of the Duke’s court. She was brought for her musical potential, immediately beginning study of the lute (Gras). In need of further training, she did not perform with the group until 1582 (Pendle 80). He had earlier hired a male singer, Brancaccio, but then fired him in 1583 for insubordination. He was not replaced which left an all female ensemble.
The three women; Laura Peverara, Anna Guarini and Livia D’Arco; were all officially ladies-in-waiting to the Duchess of Ferrara and accompanied her on outings. None of them would have been in this position without talent as musicians and therefore were an anomalous entity in this time period. Arriving unmarried, marriages to nobles of Ferrara were arranged to lend respectability to the court, clearly differentiating them from courtesan status and, in the case of Guarini and D’Arco, removing them from the ‘ownership’ of the Mantuan court. Unfortunately, Anna Guarini’s jealous husband would later murder her under the pretext of infidelity (Hanning 771).
These three ladies remained in the service of the Duke from their arrival in 1580 until 1598 when the court dissolved after his death without heir (Lockwood 486). He had earlier hired a male singer, Brancaccio, but then fired him in 1583 for insubordination. He was not replaced which left an all female ensemble.
Tarquinia Molza, an older woman with higher social status was brought in as a performer and mentor to the group in 1583 (Newcomb “Molza” 474). She was the niece of a famous poet and was, in her own right, a poet, musician and scholar recognized in academic circles (Gras). A widow, she had studied music with the approval of her husband. Her five-year membership came to an end in 1589 when her affair with composer Giaches de Wert was discovered (Newcomb “Molza” 474).
The group had a rigorous schedule. In addition to their ladies-in-waiting duties, the women rehearsed four to six hours a day. The Duke listened to them two to four hours daily in his private chamber (Newcomb “Madrigal” 470). They sang singly, in duos and in trios (Strainchamps 378). In addition to singing their repertoire, they could sight read from part books (Pendle 82). Each member was proficient with at least one instrument and could accompany herself and/or the ensemble (Pendle 82). They also performed in the court balleti singing and dancing (Pendle 82).
What were ‘Ladies’ singing? They were performing the most important secular genre of music of the Renaissance: the Italian madrigal. The madrigal was a combination of poetry and music; a popular form of entertainment in Italian courts (Forney 114). Late Renaissance madrigals were especially rich, directly expressing the composer’s musical personality with chromatic harmony, and dramatic declarations vividly depicting emotion (Forney 116). The Ladies’ early repertoire consisted of embellished and modified existing madrigals and later included works composed specifically for them.
The Concerto Delle Donne differed from earlier singers in their virtuosic vocal style (Pendle 81). During this time, the soprano voice emerged as a major player in performance and an influential factor in composition (Jander 341). It is believed that the women probably improvised in rehearsal and then committed the perfected harmonic improvisations to memory (Pendle 82). This ‘new style’ of singing showcased wide-ranging and technically demanding ornamentation (Newcomb, “Madrigal” 470). For example, singers used low or high tessitura, unusual vocal intervals including the tritone, the 7th, 9th and 10th (Newcomb “Madrigal” 470). There were also abrupt silences and contrasts of tempo (Newcomb “Madrigal” 471). Madrigals of the 1580s became increasing ‘saturated’ with ornamented diminutions. This was not for the amateur singer.
Composers were inspired to write out ornamented vocal lines after hearing the ‘voguish new sound of an ensemble of high voices’ (Jander 341). Five staves including three soprano melodies can be seen in manuscripts from this time (Pendle 81). The director of the Musica Secreta, composer Luzzasco Luzzaschi, took five voice madrigals, and used lower voices for accompaniment and higher voices for the sopranos (Gras). An example of one of the works composed by Luzzaschi and thought to be part of the ‘secret’ repertoire not allowed to be published until after Duke Alfonso II’s death is the “Madrigali per cantare et sonare a 1-3 soprani” (Strainchamps 378). Monteverdi, a prominent madrigalist, visited and his subsequent works indicate the influence of his hearing of the Singing Ladies. In his first book of madrigals, the bass enters only after eight or more bars of rest; after the entry of soprano voices (Jander 341). The work, “Solo e pensoso”, of the composer Giaches de Wert shows the influence of the singing ladies (Newcomb “Madrigal” 471).
The benefits accorded the Concerto Delle Donne were many. Laura Peverara received a dowry for her marriage, an apartment in the ducal palace and stipends for her mother and husband (Pendle 83). Torquato Tasso dedicated many poems to her. In addition, three important musical anthologies were dedicated to her (Newcomb “Peverara” 605). During her tenure, Tarquinia Molza, a widower, instead of a receiving another husband, negotiated an apartment and a salary more than twice as high as Luzzaschi (Pendle 83). Later in her life, she became the first woman to receive Roman citizenship (Pendle 83). Anna Guarino and Livia D’Arco were flattered with poetry.
Though not all of its members achieved the same renown, the group, Concerto Delle Donne, became known far and wide and what evolved from the group singing together is of lasting import. The Singing Ladies were influenced by and then influenced the madrigal composers of the time. Together, performer, composer, patron and audience charted new territory. The uncharacteristic path of their lives helped shape a change in the relationship of women to music. Opera singers of the following era would have much more freedom, be recognized as professionals, and would not be required to marry and risk the murderous impulses of a jealous husband. Duke Alfonso II did not know what would be created when he sought out singers. He let his love of music lead the way. These ‘ladies-in-waiting’ must wait no longer for recognition not just as a Renaissance popular group that would have sold many CDs and filled many concert halls, but of their contribution to the evolution of music. Now, thanks to the formation of the musical group, Musica Secreta, in the 1980s, we can all be ‘important’ visitors to the Duke’s private chambers and pay our tribute.
Works Cited
Forney, Kristine and Joseph Machlis. The Enjoyment of Music. 10 ed. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc. 2007. Print.
Gras, Laurie. “Early Music Times: Concerti di donne.” Dangerous Graces. U of Southampton. Feb. 2000. Web. 30 November 2009.
Jander, Owen. “Singing.” The New Grove Dictionary of Music and MusiciansÒ. Ed. Stanley Sadie. New York: MacMillan Publishers, Limited. 17. 1980. 338-346. Print.
Lockwood, Lewis. “Ferrara.” The New Grove Dictionary of Music and MusiciansÒ. Ed. Stanley Sadie. New York: MacMillan Publishers, Limited. 6. 1980. 486-489. Print.
Newcomb, Anthony. “Laura (Peperara) Peverara. The New Grove Dictionary of Music and MusiciansÒ. Ed. Stanley Sadie. New York: MacMillan Publishers, Limited. 14. 1980. 605. Print.
Newcomb, Anthony. “Tarquinia Molza.” The New Grove Dictionary of Music and MusiciansÒ. Ed. Stanley Sadie. New York: MacMillan Publishers, Limited. 12. 1980. 474. Print.
Paganuzzi, Enrico. “Lucrezia Bendidio.” The New Grove Dictionary of Music and MusiciansÒ. Ed. Stanley Sadie. New York: MacMillan Publishers, Limited. 2. 1980. 467. Print.
Pendle, Karen. “Musical Women in Early Modern Europe.” Women & Music: a history. Ed. Karen Pendle. Bloomington: Indiana U P, 2001. 57 – 96. Print.
Tasso, Torquato. “Forse e cagion l’aurora.” 1593. Dangerous Graces. U of Southampton. Oct. 2002. Web. 30 November 2009.
Hanning, B. Russano. “Battista (Giovanni) Guarini.” The New Grove Dictionary of Music and MusiciansÒ. Ed. Stanley Sadie. New York: MacMillan Publishers, Limited. 7. 1980. 770-772. Print.
Strainchamps, Edmond. “Luzzasco Luzzaschi.” The New Grove Dictionary of Music and MusiciansÒ. Ed. Stanley Sadie. New York: MacMillan Publishers, Limited. 11. 1980. 378-381. Print.
Newcomb, Anthony. “Madrigal: The 1580s: The ornamented style: Dissemination of the hybrid madrigal.” The New Grove Dictionary of Music and MusiciansÒ. Ed. Stanley Sadie. New York: MacMillan Publishers, Limited. 1980. 2. 470 – 471. Print.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Waiting For Plates
School's out for winter. Yippee! My workaholic, perfectionistic tendencies didn't allow for much socializing last semester at 'music school.' I am still adjusting to being back in the Lone Star state and am slowly finding like-minded individuals and groups of people who share my values. It's taking much more effort than I am used to and part of it is how spread out everyone is here. So much commuting and living off
this highway and that highway - all these towns dotting Interstate 45 in between the Gulf of Mexico and Houston - doesn't favor a sense of community. Most people I work with don't even live in the town in which we work. I am connected to a community in Houston, the Houston Zen Center - but I haven't seen them much. I'm not used to having to drive everywhere. I think of oil and time. I'm used to living in community so small you don't even need a bicycle, much less a car. No environmental guilt. No wasting time in transit. Although I have noticed as I've ventured out more since school's been out how inspiring a drive is for composing lyrics. "Bright Lights" and "Kanzeon" arose during my last jaunt up to the big city. And why was I headed to the H-town?I was superstoked. I was going to feed some homeless persons downtown. On a date. A first date with a guy I met at a party. I had gone to Zen Center that morning and had run into a friend who told me about the party at my friend Brian's yoga studio. (Y'all in the neighborhood should totally check it out: Vital Way Yoga.
There will be a potluck/drum circle/dance party for New Year's!) It was the first party I've been to in WAY too long. The last party I went to was my friend Wen's birthday party in July and there were no guys there at all except for her boyfriend. I can't even remember the last 'party' party I went to. I was excited to get out, meet some interesting people and see my friend Brian whom I hadn't seen since my move back to Texas in February.
It was awesome. I had more stimulating conversations in those few hours than I've had in the past month. I caught up with my friends Mary and Kirsten and Brian and met some interesting people. One guy caught my eye right away. I looked twice. Could he be single?
He was friends with Brian and after introductions, I spoke to his friends for awhile but didn't talk to him until he was leaving. Then, I find out he's a musician. Just a week or so ago, I was at the Chelsea Wine Bar with my friend Queenie talking to my advisor and theory teacher, Sparky, who was playing there with his jazz band and I asked him 'Where are all the single, intelligent musicians who are concerned about the planet?' He didn't know. Well, ladies and gentleman, I realized I might have just met one. This was turning out to be the best day. He told me about his band and I told him about the kinds of songs I like to write. He asked me if I was a friend of Brian's on Facebook. I told him I was and so we said we'd check out each other's stuff online. And then he left.
We accepted each other as Facebook friends and started zipping emails back and forth. The more he told me about himself, the more excited I was. He was vegan. He was an avid cyclist and advocate who didn’t even own a car. He was leaving on a road trip the next day so he asked if I wanted to do something before he left. Hell yeah, I thought. We exchanged phone numbers and started texting as I left the house to meet my friend Darlene. He asked if I wanted to join him in feeding the homeless that night. My jaw dropped as I read the text. One of the reasons I had gone to Zen Center the previous day had been to find out if I could join in any service projects they had going on, but I had forgotten to ask. This was going to be my kind of date. I couldn’t wait!
After a bike ride along the shore, I met him at his place where he was cooking rice. As soon as I got there, I asked for pen and paper to write down some lyrics that had come to me on the drive which I then sang for him. We talked while he shelled pecans for us to snack on. Local nuts – he’s my kind of guy. We talked about food and favorite books and music and our lives. Then I drove us and the rice downtown.

He set down the rice and I met some of the other volunteers. Two men were shouting and another man told us they were high. I turned to my date and offhandedly suggested that we should chant or sing songs to ease the tension. We kept walking over to the low stone fence and set down the rice. More volunteers with Food Not Bombs (http://www.foodnotbombs.net/) showed up but we couldn’t serve yet because the person who was bringing the plates had not yet arrived. It was then that I had one of those light bulb moments. I remembered that I had brought my guitar. I had brought it thinking that I would share some of my songs with my date later. I realized that the time was now. I could perform for the crowd while we were all waiting for plates.
All thoughts of being on a date vanished. I didn’t tell him what I was going to do or even ask if it would be okay to do it. I just ran to my truck and grabbed my guitar. I walked up to the line and started singing. I started out playing the song I most recently had been working on for my guitar final, Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl (my guitar teacher posted it on Youtube). I received the smiles of men and women waiting in line and returned them. Soon after I started, the plates arrived, but I just kept on singing and strumming. It felt so great.
I finished that song and was asked to play it again. I asked for the name of the requester, shook his hand and played and sang it again for my new friend James. I got a request that I didn’t know which made me think for the millionth time that I really need to learn more cover tunes. I played one of mine. I met Escobar who told me some about his life and I offered him the guitar. He played and sang a tune and it turned into a song circle. I was amongst friends. I walked around and sang while everyone ate and afterwards, the guitar was passed around and I was blessed to share that space with some awesome individuals. I lost all reference for the word ‘homeless.’ We all seemed right at home. Nothing felt lacking, nothing amiss.
At one point, I noticed that dishes were being washed. I turned to one of my new friends and said, “I should go see if I can be helpful.” I was moved when he said “You’re being helpful right here.” I’d like to think he was right.
I still sometimes doubt myself in my pursuit of music. Why would I do that when I have a perfectly good degree in my pocket and could be making decent money, doing a good thing teaching kids about the earth and have health insurance. They helped me know why. Those kind souls with nothing to give, gave me so much that night. They were the ones who came to receive food, yet I walked away feeling nourished.
Four years ago when I challenged myself on my birthday to play at an open mic at a coffeeshop in Moab, Utah and thought I was going to vomit or pee in my pants, I had no idea I would one day be able to play in front of strangers in public at the drop of a hat with the ease of putting on a pair of socks. Like it was ordinary. Without thinking twice. Without doubting myself or telling myself it was a stupid thing to do. Without thinking about what anyone would think.
As I hugged them goodbye, I felt in my place. Firmly planted. Doing what I was supposed to be doing. Dogen said ‘Find your place where you are and practice will occur.’ We were all supposed to be on that street corner. Reminding each other that strangers are only friends you haven’t met yet. Not for one minute did I pity them or feel sorry for them. That allowed me to not separate myself from them. It was like being at a dinner party.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Music 101... OR... Am I still in Texas?
| Find a statement on music by a philosopher (or a philosophical statement by a musician about music), and share it with the class. Try to use a reliable source, remember that Wikipedia and other websites often contain mistakes and misattributions. Quote the statement, list who said it, and then respond to it. Do you agree or disagree? Or does it make utterly no sense to you? |
This quote really resonates with me. I have only recently 'owned' being a musician. I had very concrete ideas of what a musician was and since I had no formal training, didn't read music, didn't write music, couldn't play songs on the guitar by ear and didn't 'jam', I concluded I couldn't possibly be one. And yet I loved to sing. Sang in church as a kid in the choir with my grandmother on visits, sang in the hallways of Weis Middle School in Galveston, in the shower and in choir. When I got to high school, the counselors advised me to drop choir so that I could fit in another computer class. And so it went.