Once upon a time, I was married.
Rivers and mountains blocked our way.
May we both be ridiculously happy all the rest of our days.
Eternal gratitude for all the ways I was loved and cared for...
Okay, well, I am committed to cultivating humility and compassion for self and others...
ONCE UPON A TIME
(November 2005, one month before the divorce was finalized)
Once upon a time,
there was you and me.
We were lovers and best friends,
and we lived so happily...
But I didn't like my job,
set off to see what I could be.
You chose to stay behind,
you said you'd wait for me....
The first gig went so well,
three months on the lake and I was back.
The next one in Cali sounded cool,
five months and I'd be back with you...
CHORUS:
But I ****ed it up,
****ed it up royally.
Yes, I ****ed it up,
****ed it up for you,
****ed it up for me.
Twice upon a time,
kissed a boy that was not mine.
Called you on the telephone
to tell you what I'd done...
I tried to justify,
At least I didn't tell a lie.
He touched a part of me,
that was hiding deep inside...
You said we could work it out,
eight years of history.
I should have come straight home,
didn't know how weak I could be...
CHORUS
Thrice upon a time,
I thought we could still be friends.
Driving through, I would stop by.
Now when I see you I cry...
Because now you have Alison.
What I did can't be undone.
Didn't know just what I had.
Look in the mirror,
I see 'bad'...
Lost my lover and best friend.
No one to blame but myself.
Don't know who I hurt more you or me.
From this guilt, will I ever be set free?...
CHORUS
Guess I'm just ****ed up.
What do you do after that other than move to a monastery?
Wow I just read the lyurics to this one now. It brought tears to my eyes. I hope that by now you don't see "bad" when you lookin the mirror. This weekend's conference we had 4 people we were called to love "Joy" "Testy" "Foe" and "Far" - (you can guess sort of what the categories mean). In small group when they asked about someone who was a joy to love, you are the one that came to my mind - because you are genuine, loyal, forgiving, you care about (and see) my true potential and growth, and you go out of your way to show you care. There's not many people out there like you, girl!! You are a true gem, and a true joy to love. I hope you look in the mirror and see "blessing to others" now! :) You've overcome a tough situation to become even more loving than you were before. As we learned this weekend, we can't love well until we feel well loved by God. I think that you have come to feel well loved by God over these years and it shows in your growth!! And you were awesome before! :)
ReplyDeleteI wrote this song before I moved to California to live in a monastery. I needed a place to cry as many tears as it took, bang my head against the wall as many times as needed, sit in silence as many hours as needed, hear the truth repeated as many times as needed until I could look in the mirror again and see the face of God. It's been a wild ride and I don't need to cry anymore. That's why it's time to come home. For now anyway... I accomplished what I went out to California to do. Now the future is wide open and the peace I have found comes with me wherever I go....
ReplyDeletewow that pic of you and dan brings back memories of when you'd come visit me at matts place and in college. we have grown up. or not? lol. grown old(er) maybe...
ReplyDelete